Lowered Aspirations

Here’s a counterintuitive thought — if you want to be happier, lower your expectations and aspirations.

That’s right. Don’t shoot for the moon. Set your sights instead on orbiting the Earth.

This advice runs smack in the face of the prevailing attitude in the U.S., which often begins in grade school. You probably heard this familiar refrain when you were growing up: “You can be anything you want to be if you put your mind to it. You can even be President of the United States!”

In the 231 year-old history of the United States, there have only been 43 Presidents. In other words — long odds.

Our dreams and fantasies can fuel positive and productive behavior. They can add tremendous value to individuals, groups and companies when the pursuit of seemingly unreachable goals results in dramatic changes, improvements and innovations.

But they won’t necessarily make you happier. High or unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointments, both in yourself and others. Add too many disappointments to life’s “plate” and you may find yourself profoundly unhappy, regardless of your accomplishments.

Happiness comes from the journey, not the destination. Try enjoying the ride more and setting modest goals or aspirations. See if that doesn’t improve your overall happiness.

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The Relaxation Resource

If you want to achieve greater satisfaction or happiness, increase your resources.

For most people, that means increasing one’s income. Having more money will probably (but not always) improve your chances of being satisfied. The same can be said for finding a life partner.

But there are other resources of equal or greater value.

For example, relaxation is a significant satisfaction resource. Being relaxed usually lowers your blood pressure, which lowers your risk of a heart attack and helps you live longer. Relaxation also helps you perform better under stressful conditions, including making better decisions at work. And being relaxed means you will more likely enjoy life more. Life’s daily irritants have less potency when you enjoy a more relaxed state of mind.

Relaxation has proven to be a major satisfaction and happiness resource and the great thing about it is — it can be learned by any person at any age.

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Couples Happiness

Want to be happily married? If you are seeking a spouse — take note. Find someone with a similar personality.

That’s the conclusion reached by researchers at the University of Iowa, who studied 291 newlyweds participating in the Iowa Marital Assessment Project.

The couples were evaluated on a broad range of personality characteristics, attitudes and relationship-quality indicators. They also had to have been married less than a year when the study began and had to have been dating each other for an average of three and a half years.

The results of the study showed that people tend to marry those who are similar in attitudes, religion and values. However, it was a similarity in personality that appeared to be more important in having a happy marriage.

“People may be attracted to those who have similar attitudes, values, and beliefs and even marry them – at least in part – on the basis of this similarity because attitudes are highly visible and salient characteristics and they are fundamental to the way people lead their lives,” said the authors in their study. Personality-related characteristics, on the other hand, take much longer to be known and to be accurately perceived and are not likely to play a more substantial role until later in the relationship, according to the authors.

Researchers said that once people are in a committed relationship, it is primarily personality similarity that influences marital happiness because “being in a committed relationship entails regular interaction and requires extensive coordination in dealing with tasks, issues and problems of daily living.”

And what about opposites? Do opposites attract? Not according the researchers. They say their data showed no evidence of it.
Source: Assortative Mating and Marital Quality in Newlyweds: A Couple-Centered Approach.  Shanhong Luo and Eva C. Klohnen, University of Iowa; Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol. 88, No. 2.

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The Ladder to Happiness

Here’s one more reason not to feel sorry for CEOs. They’re happier.

According to a recent study, ranking — not income — determines work happiness.

A professor of economics at the University of Warwick in the United Kingdom surveyed 16,266 workers from more than 800 workplaces. The results showed that when Andew Oswald looked at an employee’s worker’s position in a company, he found a strong link with job satisfaction. He says rank influenced how proud people were with their professional achievements, and rank increased happiness 50 to 60 percent when compared with bigger paychecks.

In a second experiment with students, Oswald asked how satisfied they would be with a job offering a yearly salary of $32,000 after graduation. Some were told the pay was the second lowest in the firm, while others were told it was the fifth from the bottom. The results — the higher the ranking, the more satisfied the students were with their prospective job.

Note: this post relies on information provided in an article by Psychology Today online.

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Positive Psychology

One of the more interesting trends in psychology in recent years revolves around positive psychology, which might be broadly defined as “the study of the conditions and processes that contribute to the flourishing or optimal functioning of people, groups, and institutions.”

Why is this trend significant? Because it’s a shift in thinking for the clinical psychology community.

Since its inception, clinical psychology has dealt mainly with trying to solve individual or group psychological problems, including mental illness. And while the end result may have been to ease suffering (and therefore move towards well-being), the focus of attention generally remained with the problem at hand.

Positive psychology attempts to flip this view. That is, instead of focusing on problems, it focuses on what makes people happy or what positive thoughts or behaviors could move them to a state of well-being.

Psychologists in the positive psychology “movement” admit problems still thwart happiness and must be dealt with, but they also argue not enough research has been done to understand happiness in general and how people can go about achieving it.

As Martha Stewart might say, “that’s a good thing.”

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Discarded Excitement

Almost all sources of excitement lose their ability to produce excitement when repeatedly used over short periods of time.

In his book, The Strategies and Tactics of Happiness, Dr. Maynard Shelly made that observation 30 years ago and it still rings true today.

Several years ago citizens of a major U.S. city built a first-class aquarium and it enjoyed early success with large crowds. But eventually the newness wore off and people slowly stopped coming, especially the local crowd. Had the aquarium changed? Not at all. What had changed was the use of the aquarium as a source of excitement. When that excitement wore off, which was bound to happen, people went elsewhere for the same stimulation. The result? The aquarium bordered on bankruptcy and had to be rescued by the city and eventually new owners.

It happens all the time. Unless a business can maintain that early level of excitement and stimulation, it runs the risk of being discarded and forgotten–especially in a fast-paced, overstimulated society–where excitement resources (even those costing $50 million) are discarded like gum wrappers.

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Greed is Stimulating

If you crave material possessions, then welcome to the “club.”

According to Professor Peter Whybrow of UCLA, greed has gripped the U.S. While it’s not a new phenomenon, he argues in his book, American Mania, that’s what’s different this time is that social brakes which once held us all in check have practically vanished, resulting in a non-stop, 24/7 pursuit of affluence unprecedented in our history.

In other words — recession be damned — plow full steam ahead consumers.

But Whybrow says danger lies ahead and it’s not from overextended credit cards. He says this excessive pursuit has pushed us to our physiological limits, as evidenced by the increased levels of obesity, Type II diabetes, sleep deprivation, anxiety, and depression.

Why are we all so tempted by greed? Perhaps the simplest answer is — greed stimulates us. The pursuit, capture and use of material possessions excites us, firing neurons deep inside our brain that we find very satisfying. No wonder some people say buying is like a drug. As far as the brain is concerned — it is.

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The Unexpected

It turns out scientists have confirmed what writers like Stephen King have known all along — we like the unexpected.

Using functional magnetic resonance imaging to measure changes in human brain activity in response to a sequence of pleasurable stimuli, researchers used a computer-controlled device to squirt fruit juice and water into the mouths of research participants. The patterns of squirts were either predictable or random.

They discovered the pleasure center of the brain (the nucleus accumbens) recorded a particularly strong response to the unexpectedness of a sequence of stimuli.

These researchers say that most scientists prior to their work assumed that the neural reward pathways responded to what people like. Now, they believe that most people respond more to the unexpectedness of the stimuli instead of its pleasurable effects.

Researchers at the Baylor School of Medicine and Emory University published their study in the Journal of Neuroscience.

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Women and Declining Happiness

By all measures, the lives of women in the United States have improved significantly in the past 35 years. There are more job opportunities, more pay and more options for women to consider.

But when researchers looked at whether or not women are happier during that same time period — the answer was “no.” In self-reporting their well-being women say they are less happy today than they were in the 1970s.

There are several possible explanations.

First, the societal trends of decreased social cohesion, increased anxiety and increased household risk may be contributing to the decline. Second, increased opportunity to succeed has perhaps led to an increased likelihood of believing that “one’s life is not measuring up.” Third, lower pay rates in comparison to men may be also be a factor. Fourth, the increased complexity associated with juggling family, personal and career responsibilities (trifecta that rarely existed 35 years ago) may also be having a negative effect on well-being.

Note: this theme and many of these observations were made by Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers of the The Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania in a paper called, The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness.

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Donut Pleasure

No wonder a donut tastes so good. Scientists say fatty foods light up the pleasure centers in our brain.

In one study, researchers at the University of Oxford put 12 people inside a functional magnetic resonance imaging machine and fed them differently textured foods through a tube. The foods were a mix of tasteless cellulose tailored to the consistencies of water, corn oil or runny syrup, as well as a mouthful of vegetable oil.

According to the study as reported in the British journal Nature, fatty mixtures fired up the brain region called the cingulate cortex, which is stimulated by other pleasurable experiences such as a caress, a perfumed scent or winning money.

Researchers say the discovery reinforces the idea that a dab of butter or dollop of cream makes dinner all the more appealing. In other words, fast foods and donuts will be around awhile longer.

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Thrill Kill

A recent news story about an alleged grisly killing by teenagers in Michigan demonstrates when the desire for stimulation and excitement goes horribly astray.

According to the police, the teenagers reportedly said they killed an individual for the “thrill of it.”

As disturbing as this incident is, it also raises a ton of questions. Here are just a few.

• Is our overstimulated society propelling some individuals (especially young ones) to seek such greater and greater levels of stimulation (and risks) that the only way they can be satisfied is to break the ultimate social taboo?
• Are personal, parental and societal controls so lacking in today’s environment that there are few, if any, brakes preventing young people from thinking of and committing such acts?
• Is our society’s hypercompetitiveness (which in itself is stimulating) partly to blame for setting a foundation of constant excitement seeking?
• Can this disturbing trend be reversed or are we as a society forever cursed with this “disease?” Are we long past being thought of as a peaceful nation?
• If killing is so “easy,” how easy would it be for the U.S. society as a whole to slip into lawlessness, given the right circumstances? Does our rule of law protect us in that regard or are we just kidding ourselves?

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Taxes Are Satisfying

Here’s something that doesn’t make sense (cents) — paying your taxes can be satisfying.

Researchers at the University of Oregon gave 19 women participants $100 and then scanned their brains with functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) as they watched their money go to the food bank through mandatory taxation, and as they made choices about whether to give more money voluntarily or keep it for themselves.

They found that two regions in the brain – the caudate nucleus and the nucleus accumbens – fired when subjects saw the charity get the money. The activation was even larger when people gave the money voluntarily, instead of just paying it as taxes. These brain regions are the same ones that fire when basic needs such as food and pleasures are satisfied.

The study, according to one of the researchers, reflects the balancing act that every society must face. “What this shows to someone who designs tax policy is that taxes aren’t all bad,” Ulrich Mayr, professor of psychology, said. “Paying taxes can make citizens happy. People are, to varying degrees, pure altruists. On top of that they like that warm glow they get from charitable giving. Until now we couldn’t trace that in the brain.”

For a more complete description of the study, click here.

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Money and Happiness

Money may not buy you happiness, only more chores.

Numerous studies have looked at how money fits into one’s overall evaluation of happiness and the results may surprise you.

For example, one study showed that income played an insignificant role in day-to-day happiness. Researchers expected that those who made less than $20,000 a year would spend 32 percent more of their time in a bad mood than those that had an annual income greater than $100,000. In reality, the low-income group spent only 12 percent more time in a bad mood than their wealthier counterparts.

Researchers also examined Bureau of Labor Statistics data and found that those with higher incomes had more chores and less fun. According to government statistics, men who make more than $100,000 a year spend 19.9 percent of their time on passive leisure activities such as watching television and socializing. Meanwhile, men whose annual income were less than $20,000 spent more than 34 percent of their time dedicated to passive leisure.

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Conditioned Satisfactions

Whether we like to admit it or not, past events or pleasures figure prominently in our current or even future satisfactions.

This makes perfect sense. Humans (and other animals) tend to repeat behavior that rewards them. Get a standing ovation for a part in a play when you are in eighth grade, for example, and you are more likely to want to repeat that behavior for similar applause somewhere down the road. Or get joy from learning how to bake an apple pie with your aunt at Thanksgiving and you are highly likely to want to re-create that experience when you are an adult.

We all carve out current satisfactions from past pleasures. Called conditioned satisfactions, these can be direct or indirect depending on the past experience. For example, the red carpet you vaguely remember associated with your favorite birthday may trigger an indirect satisfaction in all things red that you don’t even consciously realize.

There is also some anecdotal evidence to suggest that the more exciting or arousing the originating source of satisfaction, the more durable that satisfaction will be over time. In other words, thrill a child with his first professional baseball game under the lights at night and you are likely to have a fan for life.

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The Satisfaction Audit

No wonder the U.S. divorce rate hovers near 50%.

Couples (both heterosexual and homosexual) comprise a complex satisfaction system of competing and shared interests, individual stimulation needs, and reactions to societal pressures.

Huh?

Take a young couple. Sharing a life together means experiencing new adventures, sharing intimate thoughts, adding new friends and and generally exponentially increasing one’s resources. But later — when the newness wears off — does the couple “settle in” at equal satisfaction levels or does one person become dissatisfied with things? Is one person bored and needs greater stimulation? Is another person unhappy with the other person’s behavior or dissatisfied with that person’s communication skills? Does a lack of one resource — money — cause other dissatisfactions — to the point that when one adds up the pluses and minuses — the result is unhappiness?

In our society, we typically don’t spend enough time thinking through and even articulating what satisfactions we want from our partner before that partnership is consummated. We assume things will take care of themselves and, sadly, they don’t — at least for half of the U.S. population. Perhaps what we all need is a Satisfaction Audit — administered by a registered psychologist or therapist and required before we’re granted a marriage certificate. That may save a lot of heartache somewhere down the split in the road.

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Divorce and Satisfaction

First, the semi-good news. The divorce rate in the U.S. appears to be declining (albeit slightly) since its peak in 1981. Rough estimates say that 41% of all married couples divorce.

Now, the not-so-good news. Research suggests that divorce leaves a lasting effect on satisfaction levels. Thus, even though a rebounding effect can and does typically occur after a divorce, the level of satisfaction does not return to baseline (the level of satisfaction felt prior to the divorce).

In an article published in a 2005 issue of Psychological Science, study author Dr. Richard Lucas measured the life changes before and after divorce of people in a group of 30,000 people in Germany. His conclusion — we shouldn’t assume that time heals all wounds. “Instead, some people may never adapt to some life events, at least not without intervention,” he concludes.

Note: this post is a re-write of an article written for PsychCentral by John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

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Intelligence and Happiness

Just because you’re smart doesn’t mean you’ll be happy.

Researchers in Scotland compared results of a life-satisfaction survey with IQ (Intelligence Quotient) tests that were conducted on healthy people at age 11 and again at age 80. The results showed no correlation between happiness in old age and lifelong intelligence.

In other words, your IQ has no bearing on how satisfied or dissatisfied you will be with your life.

Researchers concluded that researchers say that intelligence has its pluses as well as its minuses.

They say, for example, that higher intelligence may lead to greater achievement, but it also brings with it greater awareness of alternatives, which may also lead to frustration.

The results of the study appear in the July 16, 2005 issue of the British Medical Journal.

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Happy Nations

Researchers at the University of Michigan conduct the ongoing World Values Surveys (WVS). Among other things, they rank the happiness (or subjective well-being) levels of countries. Their results for 1995 – 2005?

Denmark shows the highest levels of happiness, followed by Finland, Iceland, Switzerland and Mexico.

The countries with the worst levels of societal happiness? That would be Armenia, Ukraine, Modova, Zimbabwe, and Tanzania.

Where the does the United States rank? It ranks 19th out of 91 nations.

Once again, as is usually the case, wealth and power don’t necessarily translate into a state of well-being.

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Happiness and Old Men

Apparently, happiness in males peaks around age 65.

An aging study conducted at the VA’s outpatient clinic in Boston, and funded by the NIH’s National Institute on Aging, recorded life satisfaction and personality traits of veterans starting in the late 1970s through 1999.

They found on average that life satisfaction for men peaked around 65 — meaning men who were 85 were about as happy as they were when they were in their 40s.

Researchers were quick to point out at that people varied significantly from that norm. Some men were still experiencing growth in happiness after 65, while others peaked earlier.

They also noted that high levels of extroversion correlated with overall high levels of life satisfaction and relative stability in life satisfaction; men with lower levels of extroversion had an overall lower level of life satisfaction and less stability. Researchers also found found a correlation between being in the last year of life and a steeper drop in life satisfaction — an effect that remained even when the researchers controlled for physical health.

The full study can be found in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Vol. 88, No. 1).

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Satisfying Careers

Want a job that gives you greater satisfaction and happiness? Researchers say get one that serves other people.

Researchers with the General Social Survey (GSS) of the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago looked at data collected from 1988 to 2006 in which people were asked a variety of questions during face-to-face interviews.

Which profession had the highest levels of satisfaction and happiness? Why clergy, of course. Eighty-seven per cent of them said they were satisfied with their jobs.

On average, 47 percent of people interviewed said they were very satisfied with their jobs and 33 percent said they were very happy. In addition to clergy, the other jobs rated highest in satisfaction were: firefighters (80 percent) and physical therapists (78 percent). Other top jobs in which more than 60 percent of the respondents said they were very satisfied were education administrators, painters and sculptors, teachers, authors, psychologists, special education teachers, operating engineers, office supervisors and security and financial services salespersons.

What were the least satisfying jobs?

Garage and service station attendants (13 percent reported being happy), roofers (14 percent) and molding and casting machine operators (11 percent). Other workers who said they are generally unhappy were construction laborers, welfare service aides, amusement and recreation attendants, hotel maids, pressing machine operators, electronic repairers, kitchen workers, and machine operators.

More details of the study can be read in this ScienceDaily article.

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Knowing is Satisfying

Understanding is knowing. It’s also satisfying.

Whether it’s a scientist trying to figure out the mysteries of the brain or a parent trying to figure out his teenage son’s recent disruptive behavior, understanding our world is an important part of our satisfaction mix. We all want to make sense of our world. It gives us order and serenity. Call it encoded satisfaction. Encoding (or bringing order or understanding) to our environment — past or present — contributes to our feeling good.

But there’s more to it than that. Ironically, even dissonance can be satisfying. That is, some of us like it when we don’t know what’s going on. Take mystery novels or haunted houses. We don’t know what’s “around the corner” and that in itself is stimulating or exciting.

All of this explains why some people love to learn and others don’t. Learning new or novel information can be very satisfying to some people. Others find their satisfactions elsewhere — and that’s okay.

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Visualizing Your Best Possible Self

One activity that has been suggested by researchers to improve your happiness has been to increase your gratitude. Another suggestion involves thinking about your life in the future and visualizing living it as “your best possible self.” Researchers point out that they are not referring to fantasies or dreams, but rather realistic and achievable visualizations.

Several studies provide support for this proposition. In one study people who wrote for 20 minutes a day about how they wanted their life to be in the future experienced increases in a positive mood compared to people who wrote about neutral topics. The results were replicated in longer studies as well, demonstrating that “visualizing your best possible self” over a period of time appears to be an effective technique for improving happiness.

Researchers say there are two explanations for the results.

First, they say the visualization fosters an optimistic mindset, which in turn creates a positive image of yourself and with it an enhanced sense of purpose and meaning. Second, writing down your dreams for the future helps you logically formulate the story you want to unfold.

In other words, to be happier, think about what you want to become, then write it down.

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Constraints and Satisfaction

I bet you wish you could do anything you wanted.

The reality is — we all live under constraints. Some are self-imposed; others get forced upon us by society or the environment at large. Constraints help us maintain some semblance of order in the world, but they can also prevent us from reaching desired levels of satisfaction and happiness.

Take a drought and the desire for a green lawn.

For a long time now the green lawn has symbolized prosperity and good fortune. But with a severely limited amount of water available, governments have imposed restrictions on lawn watering. That constraint has not sat well with some people, who have continued to water even with the threat of significant fines. For them, the satisfaction associated with their green lawn outweighs any potential negatives and so they have been unwilling to cooperate. In fact, if anything, the constraint only heightened their anticipated satisfaction associated with circumventing the ordinance.

Constraints play an important role in our lives. The better we understand how different constraints affect our thinking and behavior, the better we can react and adjust to them.

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Giving Thanks

Giving thanks helps you feel better.

Dr. Robert Emmons, professor of psychology at the University of California-Davis and the author of Thanks!: How the Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier, has researched gratitude extensively. In one of his studies with psychology professor Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami (reported in 2003), those who kept gratitude journals on a weekly basis exercised more regularly, reported fewer physical symptoms, felt better about their lives as a whole, and were more optimistic about the upcoming week compared to those who recorded hassles or neutral life events.

Other studies show that grateful people report higher levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, vitality, optimism and lower levels of depression and stress. He has also demonstrated that grateful individuals place less importance on material goods; they are less likely to judge their own and others success in terms of possessions accumulated; they are less envious of wealthy persons; and are more likely to share their possessions with others relative to less grateful persons.

In other words, if you want to improve your happiness — give thanks — and do it daily.

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Happy People

Not surprisingly, research by psychology professor Dr. Ed Diener of the University of Illinois supports the following:

• Happy people on average have stronger immune systems, and there is some evidence that they live longer.
• Happy people are more creative, at least in the laboratory.
• Happy people are better citizens at work – they tend to help others more, skip work less, etc.
• Happy people are more successful – they earn more income, have better marriages, get morejob interviews, etc.
• Happy people do better in social relationships. They are more sociable to begin with, and other people like them more. They seem to be more successful in leadership work positions.
• Happy people are better able to cope with difficult situations.
• Happy people like themselves and other people more, and others like them in return. They are also more helpful and altruistic, on average.

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The Happiness “Pie”

Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California at Riverside, has been studying happiness for several years now, along with her colleagues and graduate students. She has come up with a pie chart theory to explain the underlying basis for happiness. She posits that happiness is the result of three things — 50% from a happiness “set point” (as a result of genetics), 10% from differences in life’s circumstances, and 40% percent from intentional activities.

In other words, half of your happiness is probably predetermined by your genetic makeup. That is, each individual is predisposed towards a certain level of happiness or unhappiness (what she calls “set points”) because of who he or she is. Some people are just happier than others. It’s literally in their genes.

And there are always circumstances (some beyond your control) that determine your happiness or unhappiness. You accidentally get hit by a commuter bus while walking to work, for example. Depending on the severity of your injury, that incident could have a dramatic impact on your current and future happiness.

But her theory also leaves plenty of room for self-determination.

You could be predisposed towards unhappiness, have terrible life circumstances, and still through your intentional activities and behaviors turn your life and outlook around.

That should give people some hope and encouragement. Unhappiness is not preordained.

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Source of Optimism in Brain

Researchers think they have found the location of our optimistic view of the future deep within our brains.

In an article published in Nature magazine, co-authors, Elizabeth Phelps of New York University and Tali Sharot of University College London say that a small front part of the mid-brain (which is deep behind the eyes) activates when people are thinking optimistically about future events. The more optimistic the thoughts, the more activity in that area of the brain.

Researchers also say that same area of the brain seems to malfunction in people suffering with depression.

Fifteen people were given brain scans for the study while they were asked to think about “future possibilities.” When the participants thought about good events both the rostral anterior cingulate cortex and amygdala, which is involved in emotional responses including fear, were activated. But the correlation with optimism was biggest with the cingulate cortex.

The same study also found that people tended to think that happier events were closer in time and more vivid than the bad ones, even if they had no reason to believe it, according to Phelps.

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Power as a Satisfaction Resource

If power is defined as the control over resources (especially those important to you), then power is a major satisfaction resource. We all want power to some degree. We all want control over some resources. Not surprisingly, those people having more control over more resources are perceived as having more power. And research seems to suggest that those people with more control over those resources that are important to them have greater levels of satisfaction and happiness.

But power and control over resources can come in many shapes and sizes.

For example, one could have greater self control (control over psychological resources) and be less affected by changes in environmental resources. Take two people waiting for traffic to clear up at a multi-car pile up on the Interstate. One person is anxious, angry and frustrated because he will be late to an appointment. He may even try to skirt around the delay by driving on the shoulder of the road. The other person, on the other hand, takes the delay in stride and uses the time to have a nice conversation with her passenger.

Neither person had much control over environmental resources (although one might have tried). But one person had greater self-control over psychological resources and was able to tap into those resources to either contribute to her satisfaction or counter the negative impact of the event. She also had a secondary resource — her friend.

We all have potential satisfaction and happiness resources we either rarely use or ignore. We also have more power than we realize.

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The Ultimate Happiness Resource

Anything that contributes to a person’s satisfaction or happiness can be considered a “resource.” Thus, a spouse, car, musical instrument, that trip to Hawaii, your job or even the mother of all resources — money — can be considered a satisfaction or happiness resource. Each contributes in some way to our overall levels of satisfaction and happiness.

Based on our buying behavior, you’d think that material things are the single largest and most important source of satisfaction. And for many they are. We’re buying all the time. Buying is very satisfying. It feels good. It stimulates and rewards us both physically and psychologically.

But it may not be our most important resource. That’s because resources related to purchasing are usually expendable. They don’t last long. Take the trip to Hawaii. You’re there for a week and the trip is very satisfying, with the lapping waves, the breathtaking sunsets and the cool Mai-Tai on the veranda.

But then it’s over and so is the trip as a source of extended satisfaction. We have our memories, but it’s not the same. And unless we have unlimited or outstanding wealth, another trip to the islands is going to be awhile. And even if we go back, it may not be as satisfying as the first time when everything was new and fresh to us.

Perhaps our greatest satisfaction and happiness resource is not a purchase but our mental ability — the ability to think, dream, act, create, feel, manage and even control. Our minds are the ultimate satisfaction and happiness resource. Even a purchase starts with a mental act. How you think, what you think, and even why you think it have a greater impact on your overall satisfaction and happiness than perhaps any single source at your disposal. If you are not satisfied or happy, you might start looking there first.

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Work as Satisfaction

If we spend a large portion of our waking day in some job or career activity, then it makes sense that work must play a significant role in our satisfaction “system.” And it does. Studies show humans derive a significant amount of satisfaction (and some dissatisfaction) from their work environment.

In fact, some people derive most of their satisfaction and stimulation from work. The 32-year-old entrepreneur with $100 million in the bank and a mansion in Silicon Valley. Or the lawyer who puts in 80-hour work weeks to become a partner. These people are not satisfied unless they are spending every minute of every waking day in pursuit of some job or career goal.

Are they unhappy? Not necessarily. For them, if they know that work is a major source of satisfaction, then pursuing that “pleasure” reinforces their behavior and continues to contribute to their overall level of satisfaction and happiness.

But there are two dangers. First, this pursuit can run into conflict with other potential sources of satisfaction (especially those associated with relationships). Second, the individual might assume incorrectly that those around him or her should obtain the same level of satisfaction that he or she derives from work and when they don’t — there’s likely conflict.

There’s nothing inherently “wrong” with making one’s work THE primary source of satisfaction. Chances are good that singlemindedness will result in successful outcomes, therefore increasing the likelihood of even greater satisfactions. But if that work is one’s only life pursuit and he or she is still not very satisfied, then there might be something wrong with that picture.

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